NIP

As a young adult, when I witnessed a mother nursing in public, I would feel embarrassed because I wanted to look. I wanted to see how it worked because my mother was a breastfeeding mother and I remembered a time long past when my sister was an infant. My mom be sitting somewhere in the house and would latch her on with her shirt up. My mom would be drinking water or talking on the phone as my baby sister nursed. I would then follow suit and lift my shirt, holding my doll "Mary Mary" to my chest too. It was then that I knew I wanted to nurse my own children someday.

While I was pregnant, I took every effort to educate myself on breastfeeding. I took a breastfeeding class at the hospital where I planned to give birth to my son, I frequented kellymom.com, I tweeted Heidi Murkoff (author of my pregnancy bible What to Expect When You're Expecting and I would ask many nursing moms about how they got started and what they did to keep a strong nursing relationship.

As a first-time-mom who gave up breastfeeding far too soon, I would feel twinges of guilt when I saw a mother nursing her child.  I hated myself because I was a quitter. It took a long time to accept that what happened is in the past and that no matter what happened, I love J more than words could possibly express, and that at least I fed him. However, this is not what this post is about.

My post is about a controversial topic: NIP or Nursing in Public. Honestly, as a mom who fully supports breastfeeding, I do not see the reason for controversy. Here is my take on it...

Motherhood is never easy and breastfeeding often takes work. For some, it comes naturally whereas for most it does not. Every mother that I know who breastfed one child or more says that it takes 6 weeks to perfect latch, for the soreness to go away, for it to get easier in general. Many mothers get discouraged before that time is up then say they "couldn't breastfeed." For what it's worth, only 3% of women have a true medical reason why she cannot breastfeed. For the others, they either chose not to or gave it up and that is okay. All moms love their babies and want to give them the best and have a right to make their own choice regarding feeding.

Back to the topic of breastfeeding it must be said that the first few weeks are a learning curve as a mother learns how to position her baby, what a good latch looks and feels like how how long it takes for her baby to eat. Mothers nurse around the clock; breastfed babies eat about every two hours (from the time of first feed) and it may take 40 minutes for a baby to eat. That means every hour and 20 minutes, baby is attached to the boob. I still remember fumbling at the breast, trying to latch my newborn J to my breast, listening for sucking sounds, trying to keep him awake, trying to relax and persist until I felt a tugging sensation from within my breast. When I felt that, breastfeeding did feel natural; however, when I did not, it sometimes hurt and sometimes I felt like a failure. But I digress.

Eventually, every new mother must venture out of the house with her baby. Remember, we all need to run errands and get some time outside enjoying the fresh air. That is healthy. And eventually babies need to eat. A mother knows that there are signs that a baby is hungry before crying, which is a late sign and every mother knows how to feed her own baby. If a mother formula feeds, she either has a pre-prepared bottle of formula or powder stored in some way with a bottle of water. A breastfeeding mother has an advantage here: she does not need to pack a thing because her breasts go wherever she does.

Sometimes people turn and stare, sometimes people give dirty looks, sometimes people embarrass or shame a mother either by insulting the mother to her face or by whispering loudly something along the lines of, "I did not need to see that today" or "Why can't she pump a bottle of milk?" (FYI a breastpump is not as efficient as a baby at emptying the breast and a mother establishing her supply must empty the breasts every two hours to avoid engorgement and in order to keep the supply and demand going. Other people are supportive and then referred to as "breastfeeding nazis." Sometimes, the mother then feels ashamed and will try to find some place to hide and feed next time. Maybe she won't feel comfortable leaving the house. Other times, mothers feel indignant and angry, as they should, and fight for their rights. The law in most states says that a woman has a right to breastfeed her baby anywhere at any time.

Why do we feel the need to shame a women feeding? Here are some common anti-NIP statements I have heard along with my rebuttal. (italics for argument against)

• Breastfeeding is natural but so is peeing. I don't pee in front of everyone, so why should a woman breastfeed in public? When we urinate, the urine comes out in a stream into a toilet bowl. Sometimes it splashes and we need to wash our hands to wash away the germs. Technically our own urine is sanitary to ourselves but we do not need it in order to nourish ourselves. Babies need to be nourished. Breast milk is nourishment and and full of antibodies and actually protects against the illnesses that germs lead to? When in your lifetime has a mother expressed her milk by hand and squirted it at you? 
• I don't want to see a woman whip out her tits. Most nursing moms nurse discreetly with little tricks that they have learned along the way. When a baby latches on, baby's body and face covers the breast. When a baby is properly latched, all you see is the top of her breast, the same thing you see in cleavage-bearing tops. 
• What will I tell my child who sees a nursing mom? How about you tell your child that she is feeding her baby. The child may not ask questions. Or you can explain that a mother's breasts create milk made for babies. 
• It's indecent exposure. Is it now? Do breastfeeding moms walk around topless in public while nursing? Does she strip out all of her clothes, grab a breast and flail it around while announcing on the top of her lungs, "I AM NOW BREASTFEEDING MY CHILD!"? No? Didn't think so.
• Why doesn't she pump and bring the milk with her? Pumping is not as efficient as letting a child suckle and empty the breast. Women who do not empty the breasts frequently enough get engorged which is painful and can lose their supply. Besides, who really wants to lug around bottles of breast milk that they then need to wash later when they have milk on tap?
• I don't want my husband/boyfriend/fiance to get turned on. Breasts have more than one purpose. They are both sexual and used for pleasure, but they are also used to make milk and feed another human being. Learn to separate the two. Mothers do not feed their babies to turn on men. 
• Why can't moms just cover up before they breastfeed? Have you ever eaten with a blanket over your head? It gets hot and feels awkward. Most babies like to gaze into their mother's eyes while eating; that goes for both formula fed babies and breastfed babies. As babies get older, they may pull the cover off because they just don't like it. Some are fine with a cover but others are not. Mothers have a right to feed in whatever way works for her baby.
• Breastfeeding mothers flaunt what they are doing. No, they don't. They are trying to do the same thing that a bottle feeding mom is doing. They are trying to feed their baby. Would you rather hear a baby cry because a breastfeeding mom doesn't want to offend you? By the way, why is it that a breastfeeding mom is "flaunting" what she is doing but a formula feeding mom is just feeding her baby? 

I'm sure there are many more arguments against breastfeeding and when a breastfeeding mom tries to defend the right to NIP, she is attacked as being a breastfeeding nazi or as a show-off. Maybe formula feeding moms feel attacked or judged, when all a breastfeeding mom is trying to do is feel pride in her accomplishments as a nursing mom and defend her right to feed her baby. This post has been written by a mother who only nursed for four days then formula fed; I have been educating myself because I believe that knowledge is power and someday I will try to breastfeed baby #2. I wanted to share what I have learned with all of you.

One last thing, if you say "I support breastfeeding followed by the conjunction "but," you do not support breastfeeding. Whether or not breastfeeding makes you comfortable or not, we as mothers need to support one another. 

Nursing moms, share your stories with me! I would love to read them.

The Threenage Year

There is a popular meme being shared on social media sites alike that defines a "threenager" as "a three year old possessing the attitude and demeanor of a teenager. I am here to tell you that the threenager is a real thing. I know because my J is in his threenager year right now. Maybe the two's were "terrible" for you or maybe they were a breeze. Well, parenting gets more challenging when you have a three year old on your hand. It will be as if a flip has been switched, and you are met with attitude and a brand new set of phrases and  stubbornness.

Remember, this too shall pass. From what I am told, your child will suddenly be easier to handle on the fourth birthday. In the meantime, just take it in stride. A three year old has just had a giant developmental leap! No longer a toddler, he or she is considered a preschooler even if you don't send him or her to preschool. Your child has a bigger vocabulary, a new way of understanding things and wants to push the boundaries to see if they still exist. Your child may find it a frightening time and lash out at you because "we always hurt the ones we love." Your threenager wants to be a big kid now but doesn't quite know how. Your threenager will sigh, roll eyes and make every day interesting, to say the least.

I am a patient person yet I have had to step away from whatever is happening to take a deep breath and regain my composure.

Here are my threenager's top phrases:
"But I don't want to."
"It's too hard."
"Go away Mommy!"
"No."
"I run away."

J's Memorable Threenager Moments

• J told me, "I want iPhone. My response, "No." J, "Why?" Me: "You don't need one." J: "Mommy and Daddy have iPhone." Me: "Daddy bought his a long time ago. Mommy's was free. You are three. Three year olds don't need iPhones. You have a Thomas phone." (A toy phone) J then rolled his eyes at me, sighed loudly and pretended I was no longer in the room with him.
• The other day, I told J to try and use the potty. Expected response, "I don't want to." Then after I try to persuade him, I got an unexpected response: "Go away Mommy!" Followed by his running to the bathroom, slamming the door and barricading himself against it.
• J has been known to intentionally drop whatever he is holding onto the floor, roll his eyes then demand, "Mommy get it." In case you're wondering, I then take away the toy because we have a rule that toys should be treated nicely so they don't get broken. Then we move on quickly with a new activity so that a meltdown doesn't happen.

I can look back at these moments and laugh. J is a threenager now and keeps me on my toes. One minute he is hugging me and telling me, "I luv woo," and the next he is yelling at me to go away. One minute, J wants my help with something and the next time he wants to do it himself. I navigate each day patiently, with an upbeat attitude but stay firm when it comes to rules and limits. No matter what J says, I know he loves me and is doing his best to try and exert some control in his life. No matter what, I love J. Nobody ever said parenting was supposed to be easy.

I have some tips and tricks  for letting your child feel that he or she has some control and promise to share some other time. 

Hey there, other mom

Hey there, other mom, you and I do things differently and I know you think that I judge you. I know that you see my different parenting style as a slap in the face or perhaps it makes you feel guilty. That was never my intent. You see, we are two different people, you and I. What works for me and my family may not work for yours. Sometimes, I see a look on your face that says you're defeated and maybe think you want some advice. If my advice is ever unsolicited, I am sorry, because I have been there in your shoes and gotten unsolicited advice. There have been times I wanted to lash out and yell at the person who gave unsolicited advice that I disagreed with; but, I just smiled and nodded and now you do the same thing.

Hey there, other mom. Maybe you practice cry-it-out with your child and I don't; I don't think poorly of you but if you tell me that's the only way, I will fill you in on my technique. To be honest, when I hear a baby crying out, it makes my heart ache but I don't judge you at all. I try to understand you because all moms need to be understood and appreciated.

Hey there, other mom. I see your child throwing a tantrum in the store and I can tell that you're embarrassed. Everyone is staring and it makes you feel like a terrible mom. Guess what, kids tantrum and mine does too sometimes. I want to step in and give you a great big hug when you look like you're ready to cry. I want to try and help you diffuse the situation. I don't because I don't want to overstep my bounds. When you see me looking at you, please know that it is with a mutual respect and understanding because I've been there and done that with my child.

Hey there, other mom. I see you with a crying infant in the store and my heart goes out to you. You look like you really need a nap and for someone to give you a break. I see people stare and whisper, "Who brings a baby to the store when the baby cries?" I understand. You see, my son was a colicky baby and cried no matter what I did. Sometimes I cried with him. People stared and gave dirty looks, or told me to feed my crying baby. I get it. You do what you need to do and don't worry about anybody else.

Hey there, other mom. You are trying to discipline your child and have a different technique than I do. I practice gentle discipline so that my son learns natural consequences and I explain things to him. Maybe you do time-outs while I do time-ins. You think I don't discipline my child and you think I never lose my cool. Guess what, I've lost my patience before because I'm human just like you. I know that what works for my family may not work for yours, and I accept that. Can you accept it too?

Hey there, other mom. You and I aren't all that different. We both love our children and would do anything for them.When it comes down to it, parenting is not an easy task. We love our children so much that it hurts and we make decisions on a daily basis about how to handle each and every situation. Sometimes, we wonder if we have made the wrong decision and sometimes we pat ourselves on the back. Sometimes we fumble along the way. Sometimes we don't.

Hey there, other mom. I've got your back.

Unexpected Phrases

Before I became a mommy, I had an idea of some quirky things that kids say and do. Not only have I attended college where I studied elementary education, but I worked as a nanny for many years and babysat; not to mention, I come from a large family! I was aware of the stages that both Piaget and Freud outline that everyone goes through. I've also witnessed and have been a part of the "why" stage when children incessantly ask, "Why? Why? Why?" in response to everything that a person says. What I wasn't prepared for was the little phrases that I would be saying either to reprimand J or to converse with him. I've definitely had some WTF moments. Here are some unexpected phrases that nobody prepared me for:

• Peaches don't belong in your ear.
• Don't lick the window. That's yucky.
• We don't walk up the walls with our shoes on.
• There's nothing inside of your belly button. It's just a little hole in your belly.
• No, your penis doesn't have a boo boo. The hole is what the pee comes out of.
• Mommy is too big to sit on your lap.
• Please don't put rice down your shirt. It only gets into your belly when you eat it with your mouth.
• Cat litter is not food.

I'm sure there were many other crazy phrases but those stick out most in my mind. What kind of WTF moments have you had with your kids? 

Painful Memories

When it comes to my own childhood, I have some painful memories. You see, my mother was mentally ill like I am but it was with a different disorder. My mom had bipolar disorder a.k.a. manic depression. Everyone has mood swings but my mom's were extreme. Sometimes my mom was happy and energetic and created amazing happy memories. She would wake up early in the morning, open up my curtains singing, "Good morning sunshine! Rise and shine with the sun!" I would groggily sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes; or as a teenager I would pull the covers over my head and groan at her to go away and let me sleep. My mom would cook a full breakfast with my favorite foods: pancakes, turkey bacon, turkey sausage, toast, and fruit. Then she would say to me, "Let's have a hooky day today, girlfriend!" She would call school and tell a little fib that I was running a fever, then my mom would take me shopping for a brand new wardrobe. My mom had so much money, or so I thought when I was a child. Her wallet was full of magical plastic cards and she used as many as she needed to buy me the things that she said would look good on me. Later, we would go out for lunch, again with plastic cards. Sometimes we would take a random road trips to Cape May or to Clementine Water Park or even to Pennsylvania.

Late at night, my mom would stay up crafting. She would crochet blankets or doilies. She would teach herself to pain on glass. She would paint beautiful pictures on glass vases to give as gifts. She would make crafts for every season: elaborate wreathes, decorations to put outside and around the house, trinket boxes that she painted then dry brushed then decorated with dried flowers. Sometimes she would antique her art. During the day, my mom taught me how to do the crafts that she did. Other nights, my mom stayed up baking a lot of goods: brownies, cookies, cakes, fudge, and so on. I would wake up to find a kitchen full of delicious treats that she was gifting to the people whom she cared about.

One day, I would wake up all by myself and things would be different, which would lead to painful memories. My mom wouldn't be the one to wake me up and she wouldn't cook me breakfast. She would still be asleep and if I tried to wake her up, she would yell at me to let her sleep or she would promise she would be up in five more minutes. I would have to make my mom's coffee and I would pour myself cereal and milk for breakfast. Sometimes Mom would get up and other times, she would stay in bed crying. If I tried to hug her, I was told that I was being manipulative and selfish. I was confused about what was happening. Why was I selfish? If I was a good girl, maybe my mom would be happy.

Sometimes after work, my mom would come home and pour a drink with her friends. They'd smile while having tonic and gin, and laugh loud. When I got out of bed to ask her to tickle my back, my mom would tell me to go back to sleep. Or sometimes, she would invite me to stay up and play cards while she and her friends gossiped. Sometimes they talked about things that I didn't understand: sex, marital problems and the "sluts" they didn't like My sister learned that she could stay up too provided she rubbed my mom's back.

Sometimes my mom had a new boyfriend. They all had one syllable names: John, Jim, Dan or something of the like. Of course, their names were pretty common and there was more than one Jim, more than on John, and so on it would go. My mom would accuse me of running the men out of her life when I asked when they were going to marry my mommy. You see, my dad remarried when I was eight years old, and it only made sense to me if my mom would too. I thought if I had a stepmom that I should have a stepdad too. It was only logical in my mind. When a boyfriend cheated on her, it was her fault or it was my fault or it was the "slut's fault." I never understood why men would spend the night then leave in the morning, and why we would see them for awhile then they'd never come around again.

I never knew which days my mom would be happy or which days she would be sad. Life with my mom was like riding a roller coaster and my sister and I learned how to go along for the ride so that we didn't fall off and get left behind.

When I was in high school, I took a psychology class and recognized all of the symptoms that my mom had when we learned about bipolar disorder: extreme mood swings, putting oneself into debt with many credit cards and random shopping sprees, lying in bed all day crying, the alcohol use, the over-the-top-happiness and evading of responsibilities. I tried to talk to my mom and tell her that I believed she needed help. My mom laughed me off at first until I persisted at nagging her into calling a doctor. I wish someone would have listened to me then before it got to be too late.

I am pained when I think about how my mom's mental health declined. Her shopping sprees during manic episodes became more extreme; for example, she would buy twelve loaves of bread on sale then put them in her car and leave them there just in case she may need them at any given time until the bread went moldy and the car smelled bad. My mom would peruse the neighborhood on "collection day" and college random items such as bowling balls or rocking chairs, or would take a trip to the local turnpike rest stop and fill her purse with little packets of ketchup, mustard, salt and pepper. She filled her van with random odds and ends that she may need at some point in time (like the bowling balls). It pains me to say that when I was in my twenties I had to cut off contact with my mom because I started having anxiety attacks when she called me in the middle of the night to tell me she was going to slit her wrists or told me about events that I knew were hallucinations.

My most painful memory is the one surrounding her death. When my mom was 42 years old (I was 22), I walked into my father and stepmother's house and my dad told me to sit down because he had something to tell me. My mother had been missing for a week and eventually her neighbor noticed and called the police. When they burst into my mother's apartment, they found it in complete disarray because she became a hoarder and left her insulin needles everywhere. In her bedroom, my mother was dead on her bedroom floor, her body already in decomposition. My dad had been contacted and he had to tell me this news. The autopsy revealed that my mom had been dead for some time before her body was discovered but the autopsy report listed her date of death as September 14, 2005.

My dad accompanied me and my sister to the funeral home where we had to plan the funeral. We had no money because my mom had cashed out her retirement plans and life insurance policy, leaving behind nothing but debt. My stepmom had to send copies of the death certificate to all the debtors, leaving out our names so that we would not bear the responsibility of paying it all back.\

When we viewed our mom's body, she did not look like herself anymore. She was cold and was missing hair and her face was slightly purple, even with the makeup that was applied. We had to ask for monetary donations in lieu of flowers because we had no money to pay for a funeral, and the funeral director helped us to cut costs by driving the casket to the cemetery in his personal car. I spoke the eulogy and asked the people in attendance to find it in their hearts to forgive my mom for the ways in which she had hurt everyone when her mental condition literally drove her crazy. The person who really needed to forgive her most of all was me, and I am still working on that.

My biggest fear is that I will turn into my mom. Unlike my mom, I sought help when I became depressed but whenever I feel a little too happy, I am afraid that I am manic and call my therapist. So far, he has always said that I am anxious but we are monitoring my condition because you never know what can happen.

I promise that my son will never know the pain that I did, because I will always be on top of things. Someday, I hope to come to terms with the way things had happened; I will forgive my mom, I will forgive the doctors for ignoring me, I will forgive myself for giving up on her. Most of all, I will learn to let go of the memories that haunt me almost every day.

A Dark and Looming Cloud

The expression, "This is so depressing,"is commonly used but for someone like me who has depression, that is a careless use of the word. True depression goes much deeper than feeling sad one day. I am about to get raw and give a big glimpse into my mind because I am hoping that somebody somewhere may feel the same way and then be pushed into getting proper help.

For me, I don't just wake up depressed one day. It builds up like a storm on the horizon, and there is always a dark cloud just waiting to rain on my parade. I may start out feeling a little bit tired and decide not to get out of bed. I may blow up at something small that a mentally healthy person would take in stride. I start out feeling blah and every single day it gets just a little worse until one day, I stop getting out of bed, I stop showering, I overeat to try and stuff the emotions down, I snap at the people I care the most and isolate myself from everyone, I blame myself for everything that goes wrong in my life, I cry myself to sleep, I sleep all day and all night, I become that permissive parent with J because I just don't want to deal with him anymore. I start to look in the mirror and see a shell of a person with empty eyes. Behind those eyes, is the hurt that I try to hide as hard as I can. It gets worse and worse until one day I start to feel like a burden to everyone in my life. J starts to throw massive tantrums because my mood is affecting him, and he's crying out for a little positive attention. I ask my husband to get up with J every single morning because I just can't. I sit around crying all the time, even in front of my child. When things get stressful (e.g. money becomes tight or I get bad news), I spiral downward even more. J doesn't understand why his mommy won't play with him anymore and feels neglected.

Eventually, it all gets to be too much and I start to think that everyone in my life would be better off if I could just disappear. I pray to God that he will take me in my sleep and start to fantasize about the ways that I can disappear so that I can burdening everyone in my life. I tell myself that J would be so much better off without me because I am a horrible mother. I can no longer concentrate and don't focus well when I drive. I write suicide notes in my head and I get dangerous to myself. I purposely park on dangerous roads and cross the street, hoping that a car will hit me; if it looks like an accident, my husband can move on and nobody will be angry with me. J can move on and someday be the best person that he can be since I am holding him back.

When it comes down to it, I loved everyone in my life except for myself; and you know what they say...you can't truly love anyone until you love yourself. I actually loathed myself to the core; I was weak, over-emotional, a bitch, a terrible person, a bad mother, a horrible daughter, a horrible daughter-in-law, a horrible wife, a failure of a person, and so on. Anything bad that you can think of, I felt that I was. I may have pasted a smile on my face but inside, I was slowly shriveling away.

I would be in a room full of people and the dark cloud was always looming. I would wonder why I was there, and how the people put up with me. When meaningless comments were made about small things, in my mind those miniscule comments became bullets aimed at me. For example, someone could say something like, "My son has always been on the skinny side" while watching my J play. The story I heard was, "Oh my God. That kid is fat. That kid's mom is fat. Jaime is a horrible mother and she is ruining her child." Was that what the person may have meant? Absolutely not. But for a person with depression, your mind tells you a different story.

One day, I realized that I was hurting J and I could not continue to do that. I recognized that these feelings were not normal after a text message to my sister that was a cry for help, she implored me to call my doctor I informed her that I was too tired of living and that nobody needs me anymore. I told my husband the same exact thing and he called our church's Senior Pastor. The pastor asked me to meet with her so I did, and I sat in her office and cried. I confessed that I was a mistake and that I should not be alive.

 That same day after meeting with the Pastor, I called the mental health number listed on my insurance card and asked for numbers for therapists. I also made an appointment with my MD and she started me on an anti-depressant called Pristiq. The therapist recommended therapy once a week and has been working on coping methods with me so that when life gets too stressful, my mind doesn't tell me the wrong story that sets me back again. My MD manages my medication and she and my therapist have a signed release from me that they may communicate regarding my treatment. Within a couple of weeks, the cloud slowly started to lift and I could see some light, and in about six weeks, I was able to get out of bed again. I get up with J in the morning now and I pick him up from school. I no longer daydream about dying, and I actually play with J. I kiss my husband and tell him I love him, and I reach out to the people who I isolated myself when the depression set in.

My therapist says that my depression is currently in remission but will never truly be gone. I have told my story so that it may help somebody somewhere. Please, if you ever feel the way that I have felt, tell somebody and if you know somebody who acts the way that I did, call for help. It can be a matter of life and death.

I'm back!!!

Good morning! I am well aware that I dropped off the face of the earth, but there is a reason for that and I am about to get very personal. 

All of my life, I have been a people-pleaser. I could not handle disappointing any person at any given time and help myself to the highest standard. My standard was being perfect so that everyone would love me. Now, as you can imagine, it is not easy to be perfect and it comes with a high price. Throughout my high school career, I maintained straight A's, was active in many extra-curricular activities: marching band, concert band, concert choir, chorus, the school newspaper and committees for every single dance that we had at the school. You see, it was ingrained in me that I would never be anybody if I didn't go to college. Not quite in those exact words; more like, "Life is so tough and only people with a college degree can make a real living. Don't be like me. I dropped out/I never went to college/your aunt was the only one who went to college/I am counting on you/You are so smart/You should get your doctorate by the time you're 30/etc. So, I joined every club that I possibly could and volunteered too, because everyone around me knew what was best for me (or so I believed for a very long time). 

I graduated with honors from high school as a member of the National Honor Society. However, I was isolated from many of my classmates and every single day, I felt like I was walking on a tight rope. I had to maintain the perfect image for the people whom I was closest to and I could not screw up. Screwing up was not an option, even if I was trying to find myself. I could find myself when I was 62 and retired; I did not matter at all. Only the act that I could put on did. In the meantime, I have always been lonely when in a room full of people as my head and heart were pulling me in different directions and nobody could possibly understand. But I do believe there are readers who do understand and if you do, please share your own experiences.

I was told that I could pay back someone close to me for everything he's done for me by graduating from college. By the way, this was five years ago after changing schools three times and majors four times. I was chasing a dream of being a teacher so that I could make a difference in the lives of children and work Monday thru Friday and have summers off. Why? Because everyone told me that is the best career and at one time in my life, I believed it was too. After student teaching, I can tell you that teaching is not just from 9-3 with summers off because the best teachers, like my cooperating teacher, work their butts off to get to know their students, plans amazing lessons in a timely fashion and either stay late at school or take their work home with them. I could get into a lot more detail but that is not at all what this blog is about. It was reinforced in me that working in childcare was not "a real job." I needed "a real like" which in many people's minds means being a teacher.

I was pregnant when I returned to university and remained a full-time student until J was born. I had the summer off and in September, he was 4 months old and I returned to school once more. I quickly found that it was extremely difficult to be the mom I wanted to be, take care of all of J's special needs, keep up with my school work, keep in touch with my family and most, to be happy. I was burning the candle at both ends with the motto in my head that "winners never quit." I had to be  a winner, even if it mean losing my identity. At night, I would lay down in bed and cry. I really just wanted to be a SAHM or a WAHM but that what would everyone think of me? I would be happy, but everyone else would think I was a loser. I couldn't let that happen.

Determined to make everyone proud, as I started to have anxiety attacks, stopped sleeping, cried at the drop of a hat and started to lose my patience with J from being pulled in all directions, I took the Praxis 2 so that I could so my professional field work and graduate. I also took a class called American Drama with a certain professor who will remain unnamed; one of the best plays we read in that class is Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller. What I took away from that play was that you can either work yourself into the ground until your life no longer matters like Willy Loman did, or you can follow your heart as his once-upon-a-time-football-hero son did. I really wanted to follow my heart, but I had to get my B.A. because financially, my husband and I were strained and it all fell on me to bring home the bacon someday. I passed three sections of Praxis 2: Language Arts/Reading, Science and Social Studies. I failed math the first time and retook it four more times. 

After tutoring, reconnecting with God and major soul searching, as well as therapy and medication management for depression and anxiety that caused me an inability to function in my life, I said a little prayer before my fifth time. My husband recently attained an amazing job that pays him well and we are no longer living paycheck to paycheck; we are saving up to buy a house of our own (we live with his parents right now and have since 2008). That means that the dream that I kept a secret from everyone but a select few is now possible and I am going after it. I plan to become certified in first aid and CPR for infants and children once again, get a job as a nanny, save every single penny I make plus part of my husband's salary as well. We will buy a house once we have enough saved up, because my father-in-law works in real-estate with a family friend and they will help us look at all avenues for a good home. Once we buy a house, my husband and I will be trying for baby #2! 

Now here comes the rest of my dream, because that was just part of it. After the baby is born and I am cleared to work at 6 weeks pp, I will be offering childcare during regular hours in my home on the books. I will be doing whatever it takes and caring for up to five children in my home because the law allows it, and I can handle that many children after working in a daycare and as a nanny for 6 years. Someday, I will save up and rent a building to move the daycare to and my current families will have first dibs. 

Love it or hate it, this is my dream and I'm going for it! I'm finally allowing myself to be happy and no longer worrying about anyone else's opinion; I'm 31 and it's time to live for me. 

What's your dream?

Stranger Danger

For a very long time, I had major social anxiety which I believe resulted in what my mom told me in order to instill stranger danger in me as a child. When I was 4 or 5, my mom told me that if I talked to strangers, that I would be taken away, dressed as a boy, have bad things be done to me and never see her again. As a child given this information, I needed to know what qualified as a stranger and my mom  told me that a stranger is "anyone you don't know." That's pretty darn terrifying for a child! From then on, I never spoke to anyone I didn't know and that included kids since I over-generalized and had no idea who the bad people who would take me away would be. Then when I was about 6, my grandmother got a divorce from my "Pop-Pop Ray" (who I later learned was abusive) and was only told that "Pop-Pop Ray is now a stranger. If you ever see him anywhere, don't talk to him and never go anywhere with him." Well if someone who was once family could become a stranger, who on earth could I trust??? At the bank, where the tellers gave lollipops to the kids, I would burst into tears and refuse that candy because those tellers were strangers, and I once turned my best friend's mom down for a ride home from school and opted to walk home since I figured I had no idea what kind of person she really was. It took me a very long time to get comfortable in situations where there are many people around and I actually had panic attacks in any groups of people, including school. Even now, I don't fully trust anyone and always carry pepper spray on me just in case.

Given the barriers that social phobias caused for me, I am now questioning how to best teach my dear J about strangers. Yes, there are crazy people and sadly, child abductions do happen. BUT what my mother told me when I was a young child clearly scared the living daylights out of me and I do not want to give him the fears that I had. Right now, he is almost 2 years old and still either holds my hand everywhere we go if he is walking OR rides in a shopping cart or stroller always under my watchful eye. So him being taken by anyone isn't something that's possible right now; however, I am aware that J will not always be willing to hold my hand and someday he may not even want to walk anywhere near me in public places. When that happens, how do I stress that people can be dangerous without making him fear everyone as I've always done? Some amount of fear is good but not to the extreme that mine was...I think. Further, at what age do I even broach the subject of strangers?

Any suggestions from my readers?

91 Pounds Down, 44 To Go...

At this point in time, I just have to blog about something major. I may not be exactly where I want to be weight-wise, but I'm proud of my 91 pound weight loss!!! Here's some before and after pictures...

This was me in the summer of 2011, only months after J was born.

                                 And here I am now...91 lbs lighter and feeling great!!!

Over this journey, I have learned so much more about myself. In the past, I was an all-or-nothing person when it came to food. I only ate "good" or "bad" and there was no in-between. Either I was "on track" and wanted to eat and exercise perfectly or I was "off track" and ate pretty much anything I saw (of course mostly fatty, greasy foods). Now that I'm 30 years old, I realize that I don't need to be perfect and as a mom of a tot, I don't have time for that. Do I aim to eat as well as I can? Of course I do. I aim for 5 servings of fruits and veggies per day, lots of water, and whole grains over unrefined grains; but I have my moments where I splurge on the less than favorable foods. I still eat Hamburger Helper or processed foods in the occasion that my father-in-law makes that and I don't feel like cooking a separate meal, then I just add in a serving or two of vegetables with it to fill myself up. I have some weeks when I walk all over the place and also work out 5 days at the local Y, but there are other ones when I am not as active. AND I'm okay with this. I've learned that if I am going to be a healthier person, I have to let this fit into my lifestyle and accept that I'm human; I'm going to crave "bad food" and as long as I eat what I want in moderation and track it, and am active when I can be, I'll be moving toward a healthier weight. In the meantime, I feel happy and confident, and I know that I'm doing the best that I can for myself.

"Cow's Milk is for Baby Cows"

Lately, there is a battle between those who are anti-cowmilk and those who are pro-cowmilk. From what I've seen, people seem to see things in black and white as they do most things. The anti-milk group is known for saying, "Cow's milk is for baby cows" and points out the fact that our species is the only one that drinks milk from another species. In nature, animals nurse their young then when weaned those animals drink water and eat whatever it is that their species eat. Even baby cows can only drink straight from the tap and if they drink homogenized milk, they would die (this fact came from a farmer whom I spoke to). From research, I've read on a few websites that most humans can only digest lactose for the first few years of life in order to digest their mother's milk then gradually develop lactose intolerance. That fact is something that I can relate to as both my husband and I have problems digesting dairy, and in my case it is a recent issue. Many people who are against cow's milk also say that milk is not even a necessary beverage as the nutrients found in milk can be digested via a healthy, varied diet.

On the other fence, a lot of people grew up drinking cow's milk and see it as something worth continuing to drink and to give their children. Heck, cow's milk is creamy and tasty and we all know it is chock full of calcium and vitamin D. Basic argument is that a doctor or pediatrician wouldn't recommend dairy milk if it weren't good. More commonly, people who drink cow's milk purchase homogenized milk in the store, but there are more "natural" individuals who prefer raw milk (unpasteurized) milk, saying that it is easier to digest and more healthy.

When it comes to the two sides of things, I go both ways. Considering the fact that there are so many milks on the market (almond milk, coconut milk, rice milk, soy milk, etc) and the digestive issues that hubby and I have with milk, the two of us drink vanilla almond milk. It can be pricey, however, I'm a serious couponer, so I have yet to pay full price for almond milk. Our son J does get whole milk but he gets lactose free because he's always had dairy issues and lactose free doesn't present a problem for him. I will say that I prefer organic milk over non-organic because of rBGH as well as hormones found in non-organic; I also found that organic milk just tastes better. Further, my personal belief is that kids are developing earlier and there are more health problems due to hormones and chemicals in foods we buy in the supermarket nowadays. Others have tried telling me that children don't need cow's milk but I feel that the fat in whole milk is better for my tot who sometimes goes days barely eating anything; it is the days when J eats next to nothing that I am comforted knowing he's getting protein, fat, and other vitamins and minerals from his milk. Someday, J probably will be drinking almond milk along with his mama and daddy but in the meantime I'm happier giving him organic lactose free milk that meets his nutritional requirements.

What are your thoughts on dairy milk vs non-dairy diets?

To Juice or Not To Juice...that is the question

When it comes to "experts" a.k.a. The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) as well as nutritionists, giving juice to a baby or toddler is a no-no. Juice does not have much nutritional value and honestly, there is more nutrition in a fresh piece of fruit than a cup of juice; not to mention, juice is loaded with lots of sugar and kids today consume way more sugar than necessary. I believe the recommendation is no more than 4 ounces of juice for little under the age of 4. I actually am not a fan of juice myself; I'm more of a water drinker as I find juice too sickeningly sweet. I've worked in the childcare industry for many years and know many children personally who refuse to drink water and only drink juice because they were introduced to the sweet drink early in life. Not to mention, childhood obsesity is at an all-time high, so I can understand a reason to limit or not give juice at all.

 Having a son who was labeled as overweight at 12 months old, I actually did not give him a single taste of juice until he was 18 months old and so sick that he refused to eat or drink a thing. Then, I put a splash (probably about a tablespoon or so) of white grape juice into his (9 oz size) sippy cup of water; J sucked that down dry and asked for more. For awhile, the rule was no juice unless J got sick because he's very picky when sick and having a child who is hydrated and not suffering from low blood sugar matters to me. Since then, I have loosened up a tad. J still mainly drinks water plus his 16 oz of Lactaid whole milk on a daily basis but if he is thirsty and has already had a lot of water and his milk, I give a splash of juice in his water. The way I see it, a tiny bit of juice does not contain much sugar and gives him some variety of flavor. The only other time we give juice is when we go out to eat since restaurants don't carry lactose free milk; in those instances I ask the server for a kid cup with mostly water and a splash of juice. They're always happy to comply and that ensures my little guy doesn't feel left out when Mama gives up her usual water for some iced tea and when Daddy has soda.

Once again, this is a personal matter but I do believe that my loosening up a small degree is good. J doesn't drink juice on a daily basis and he's slimmed down a lot, so I know he is a healthy guy. I'm curious to hear when my readers started giving juice and if their kids are water drinkers at all. :)

Graco MySize70 Review

A few weeks ago, I purchased a Graco MySize70 carseat at the local Babies 'R Us. Now that I've been using the seat for a little bit, I thought it'd be good to share my thoughts on it. First of all, I chose this carseat because I needed something narrow enough to fit in the mid-size SUV rental that I am currently driving (I drive a mini-van so if it fits into the mid-size it'll fit in there) and was pleasantly surprised to find it fit perfectly. If you're in doubt, most Babies 'R Us locations have staff who will walk to your car with a display seat and let you try it in your car to be sure it can fit. While narrow enough to fit in the seat, this carseat still is roomy enough for my very big boy and has amazingly high rear-facing and front-facing specs. Babies, infants and toddlers 4-40 lbs and up to 40" can rear-face and toddlers and children 40-70 lbs and up to 50" can forward-face with the harness. That means this seat should last most children from birth until early preschool years when the parents is ready to switch to a booster seat. Even though my son is off the charts for his size, this carseat will undoubtably last him a long time. This makes me incredibly happy since a harnessed carseat is undoubtably safer than a seatbelt positioning booster.

Because of the In-Right Latch System, this carseat has been by far the easiest to install using LATCH than any other carseats I have installed in a vehicle. Not only that, but there are two sets of LATCH belts: one set for rear-facing and one for forward-facing, which means there is no need to re-route a LATCH belt for different types of installations. This makes this seat a dream come true for me since I struggled trying to figure out how to re-route the straps of my J's previous carseat. Like most modern carseats, this one has three levels of recline and you must use the most reclined level for rear-facing. Depending on your actual vehicle seat, you may need to use a pool noodle cut-up or a rolled up towel to make sure the carseat is at the correct angle. For a newborn or infant, it needs to be at a 45 degree angle and for a toddler you can lessen the angle to 30 degrees. When in doubt, get a carseat inspection done by an NHTSA tech (I do that every time, btw) and just google to find one near you.

The one concern I had when I took this carseat out of its box was that the cushioning didn't seem very plush, but that thought has gone out the window since J fell asleep within 5 minutes the very first time he rode in it. Since then, J has fallen asleep 4 other times which tells me that this is one comfy carseat!

Let's talk about harness straps. One drawback is that they are a pain in the butt to tighten. I cannot seem to pull the strap tight enough once I my son is in the seat. To get around that, I tightened it a bit more without him in it then put it on him and buckled and did the pinch test (try and pinch the harness strap by the child's collarbone; if you can pinch it then it is too loose). I only loosen the straps a tiny bit to get J in and out since tightening his harness is a chore. The one factor that does make the tightening issue not as annoying is the adjustable headrest and harness. With a squeeze of a red lever on top of the head rest, you can instantly make the strap level higher or lower; for rear-facing always keep the straps at or below shoulder level. Having the harness set at the appropriate level ensures that there isn't a ton of harness to need to tighten. The harness has also tangled a handful of times, but it is pretty easy to fix and as a more experienced mom now that hasn't frazzled me.

My final favorite feature of the carseat is the integrated cupholder. Our other carseat didn't have one; the carseat had to be attached and could not be used in rear-facing, which meant that J was always dropping his sippy cup when he got tired of holding it or simply forgot he was holding it and then I'd have to do a sippy cup search in the car. Now, no more dropped cups! After buckling J in, I put his sippy cup right into the cup holder and he has a drink within reach when he wants it; now that J is used to this feature of the carseat, he puts the cup back when he is done with it. How great!

All in all, I love this carseat! I would recommend it to anyone looking for a convertible carseat.

What's In Your Bag?

I remember the day I registered for a diaper bag back when I was pregnant and my only concerns were that it match the color of my other baby gear (light green) with a have a changing pad inside; that and I didn't want something that cost more than $30 which seemed excessive to me. My choice was an inexpensive Carters diaper bag that seemed to fit that bill. At the time, I did love that bag and Carters is a great brand. Now that I'm a more experienced mom, I've learned that there are many more important factors than that. That said, I switched out the first diaper bag for a much different one. From the time J was a baby, I always packed a lot in the diaper bag which caused the first diaper bag to burst at the seams. Most times I couldn't zip it and after too many times of attempting to, the zipper broke off the bag.

The diaper bag that I switched to when J was close to 1 year of age is a Petunia Picklebottom Boxy Backpack. I do need to preface this with the fact that the MSRP of this style bag is in my humble opinion extremely expensive; however, Baby Steals often has this bag for somewhere between 50-80% off. Baby Steals is a daily deal site with some great products listed at great prices. I was lucky and nabbed the diaper bag for much less than it normally costs, and am so glad I did.

My favorite feature with the boxy backpack is that you can either wear the bag in standard shoulder style or on your back like a backpack. The straps are adjustable for your size, and the diaper bag is nice and spacious inside but doesn't appear huge on the outside. I normally always wear this bag as a backpack which I find easiest. The diaper bag does come with a velcro-attachable changing pad. By the way, whether or not you choose to cloth diaper a big diaper bag is a must have. On days when I'm out and about with J, I don't pack a purse and instead stash my wallet and keys inside the diaper bag. In evenings when I go out alone, I simply switch my wallet and keys to a small purse.

Now that J is a toddler, here is what I pack whenever we go out:

• 6-10 diapers and a pack of wipes - Sounds excessive, I know, but whenever I have brought only a few diapers J has managed to have constant diarrhea diapers or pees like a racehorse every few minutes.
• diaper rash cream - When J is in sposies, I bring a tube of Triple Paste and if it cloth, I bring a tube of Grandma El's.
• a sippy cup of water
• boogie wipes
• hand and face wipes
• a divided snack cup - one compartment for freeze dried fruit, the other for a whole grain snack like cheerios or whole grain goldfish
• a change of clothing - whenever I forget extra clothes, J spills a drink or food all over himself or leaks through a diaper or just gets messy in some other way
• 1 or 2 boardbooks, toys, crayola mess free doodle board
• digital camera for those picture worthy moments
• my small cosmetic bag with lip gloss 

When J was a newborn/infant, here is what I packed:

• 6-10 diapers and wipes
• diaper rash cream
• 2-3 bottles pre-prepared and in a cooler (J willingly drank cold formula and even now won't drink warm beverages) - you never know when you'll get waylaid and need more bottles than you expected
• pacifiers
• pacifier wipes
• baby toys and board books
• digital camera
• 2-3 changes of clothing
• 2-3 bibs
• 2 burp cloths
• Once J was over 6 months of age, I also added:
• finger food snacks such as Happy Baby puffs 
• sippy cup of water 
• baby food pouches
• baby spoon

If J has a cold or is teething and I have to go out, I do add some other items to my bag such as:

• Nose Frida Snot Sucker
• Infant/Children's Acetaminophen or Motrin
• Camilia homeopathic teething ampules by Boiron
• Saline Drops or Mist
• A cold snack such an organic yogurt tube
• Teething toys

Whatever diaper bag you choose, it's important that it be one you truly like and will be happy toting around for at least 3 years. On average, kids potty train anywhere between ages 2-4 and you'll need a good way to carry their diapers or even changes of underwear and all the other items your child needs. Why not tote around all that stuff in style? Happy shopping!

All About Rear-Facing Carseats

In 2011, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) came out with new guidelines that a child should remain in a rear-facing carseat until the age of 2 or until a child maxes out height and/or weight limits for rear-facing in their carseat. You can view their statement here:

http://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/state-advocacy/Documents/Child_Passenger_Safety_SLR.pdf

Many parents were upset about these guidelines stating that a one year old is too tall to be rear-facing in the car and why should that be the case when the state law is one year of age and twenty pounds? Well, to be honest, this guideline was made because rear-facing truly is safest; further, there are European countries where children are rear-facing until the age of 4 and there are lower child mortality and severe injury rates in the case of car accidents. Are there people who still choose to switch their babies at only the age of one? Of course there are. Am I one of them? No, I am not. My J is 22 months old, 34 lbs and a tad over 3 feet tall, and with his carseat that has a 40 lb, 40 inch rear-facing limit, he will probably remain that way until he is closer to the age of 3.

People have made comments like, "But he's so uncomfortable rear-facing," "My parents didn't even have a carseat. I wonder how I lived," and so on. The truth of the matter is I will always put safety first. No, in the 50s and 60s and 70s, people didn't use carseats and guess what....gradually the rate of infant and child mortality in the case of automobile accidents in our country has declined. Physics can explain why rear-facing an infant and toddler is safest when it comes to the car on thecarseatlady blog: http://www.thecarseatlady.com/car_seats/rear-facing_seats_2.html. You can also see a video that illustrates this here: Crash tests with FF vs RF carseats

As far as comfort goes, children are much more flexible than adults and as a result do not get uncomfortable the way we do. I've seen many tots who bend themselves in half when they play, including my son, and who stretch their legs in a way that they can put their toes in their mouths. You should know that almost all toddlers will have a stage when they hate being in the carseat, not because of comfort, but because they do not like being restrained. Why go in a buckled seat when you can crawl and walk all over the place? When J hit that stage, I started keeping a basket with a variety of toys and books in the car and would give J a few in the car. At red lights, I would switch out his toys so he didn't get bored. I also kept his Wiggles cd in the cd player of the car and sang to that wit him. "I Spy" is also a popular car game for me and J; I keep the headrest off of his captain chair that the carseat it installed in and say, "I spy___" about things we pass so he can look for them.

To be honest, I was debating switching J's carseat to forward-facing on his 2nd birthday until last week when my car was seriously damaged from another driver slamming into the side of it. My entire body was jerked forward and a couple of hours later my back hurt from muscle strain, however, J remained unmoved in his rear-facing carseat and had no idea that an accident had occurred. He only started fussing when we took the time to make the report with the police because he was tired and bored. What happened that day cemented my understanding that rear-facing a carseat really is the best thing, and I replaced the carseat we were using with one that has even higher rear-facing and forward-facing limits.

If you're looking into a carseat with great rear-facing limits, there are many now. Prior to the accident, we used an Evenflo Triumph 65 advanced which has a 37" and 1" below top of carseat rule for height and 40 lb weight limit. With J's crazy tallness, dh and I knew that we needed one with an even bigger height limit. If you google the carseatlady blog, you can find suggestions on all kinds of carseats.

My Must-Have Survival Items When J Has a Cold

 So for the second time this winter season poor J has a cold and because he has RAD (reactive airway disease), he has a nasty cough which three daily doses of albuterol and two daily doses of budesonide in his nebulizer control the cough. Of course, with a tot there are some other items I have found extremely useful to have on hand.

 

 

• Cool Mist Humidifier: My husband and I purchased the Crane tear drop one back when J was a newborn because it got great ratings. Really humidifier moistens the are to help with congestion, cough, etc., when a baby or tot is ill or even suffering from allergies is great. Cool mist is recommended over hot mist since little ones have been scalded from the hot ones
• Honey: Not for children under 12 months because of risk of botulism. The nurse practitioner at the pediatrician group where J goes recommended honey now that he is almost 2 to coat the throat and naturally prevent coughing.
• 
  
• Saline Mist: When J was a baby, I used the drops but now that he is older he understands to tilt his head back slightly and sniff the mist in. It works well for dried sinuses and dried boogies.
• Boogie Wipes: I always keep these in the diaper bag. That way when we are out and about, I can clean J's face of dried up boogies when his nose is on constant drip, or even in lieu of a tissue when his nose is particularly sore.
• Nose Frida Snot Sucker: With this, you do suck the snot out of your child's nose manually and there is a hygiene filter inside so as to prevent the spread of bacteria. In my experience it works much better than the boogie balls a hospital gives you, and now at almost 2, J giggles when either my husband or myself uses it on him. For major congestion, first use some saline then let it sit for a minute to moisten things up then use the snot sucker.
• Johnson & Johnson Soothing Vapors Bath: Once J's colds progress past the point of nose on constant drip to stuffed up nose, we use the soothing vapors as his bubble bath at night. It gets him a little more clear then we can commence with snot sucking after tub time so that J can go to bed with no stuffiness.
• Vick's Baby Rub: At nap time, I rub this onto J's feet then put socks on and at bedtime I put a small amount right onto his chest. It has eucalyptus and rosemary in it, which naturally controls cough and keeps the sinuses clear. Plus I grew up with my mom using Vick's on me and it always helped, so I do the same for my baby. 
• Mott's For Tots juice: I'm not normally a juice giver since I'm all for water and milk, but when J is really stuffed up, he doesn't eat so I like to get some Vitamin C into him this way. Plus it keeps him hydrated and has less sugar than regular juice since it's basically watered down juice in the perfect concentration for him.
• LOTS OF CUDDLES because all littles need their mama or daddy when they're feeling cruddy.

A Letter to my Son

Dear J,

As your second birthday is fast approaching I have realized how much you have taught me and couldn't feel more blessed. There are some things I want for you to know as well, and there's no time but the present to put this down in writing. First and foremost, I will always love you. Even those times when you throw the world's biggest tantrum and I want to rip my  hair out, and those times I know that will be coming when you are a teenager, my love will never dwindle. I may get frustrated and need to walk away for a few minutes just to cool down, but I promise that nothing you ever do will cause me to close my heart to you. Someday my mannerisms that you find funny and try to imitate now will most likely embarrass you; but guess what, I won't be changing and the sooner you accept that the better. I'm sure you'll have some less than pleasant mannerisms yourself, and hey, you are my kid so you've got some of my odd little quirks already. Third, you are your own person with so much potential; you are intelligent, funny, sweet, full of love, extremely handsome, and the world is your oyster. You can do anything you put your mind to and I will always support you no matter what. I don't expect you to be perfect and do everything perfectly, but I do expect you to always try your hardest in all aspects of life. With that in mind you need to know that life isn't always easy and I cannot sugar coat it and say that everything will always go your way because quite honestly, it won't. BUT how you handle the challenges that come your way will help shape not only each moment in time but your future. You need to look at each obstacle in your life as if it is a big mountain; you cannot simply go through it but must make a plan to climb it then attempt to do so. Furthermore, I know that there will come a time that you may want to shut me out and I also know that when the time comes, you will actually need me more than you know. So I vow that I will be there at those times and you may hate it then, but there will come a day when you appreciate it. Finally, I just want to remind you that I will always be here for you as long as I'm living because no matter how much you grow up, you'll always be my baby.

Love,

Mommy

Why I'm Doing Weight Watchers

I always blog about different parenting decisions I make as well as various aspects of my life with J, but never about a big decision I made to return to Weight Watchers and finally lose my excess weight for good. In the past, my sole reason was vanity; I just wanted to look good in smaller clothing. However, now that I am a mother, my reason has completely changed. My leader always says that if you know your real reason for wanting to lose the weight, that will help keep you going, and in my case I think that putting this into writing will help.

My reason, of course, is my son J; yet it goes much deeper than that. My mom passed away in 2005 at the age of 40, leaving me motherless at the age of 20. Of course, I went through all those stages of grief: denial, sadness, anger, and on it goes; but the anger never fully went away. She never took care of herself; her relationship with food was not a healthy one and that was passed onto me. For years, my mom would go on fad diets, starve herself, or would binge and purge. When she was in her 30's, my mom was diagnosed with diabetes but she refused to use insulin "because it would make her fat." After years of her blood sugar remaining out of control and quite a few hospital visits, my mom was strong-armed into using insulin and pills to control her diabetes. Yet ironically, against the doctor's orders, she continued to smoke, drink, and even buy Entenmann's cakes which she would eat in one sitting every night. No, it was not a big surprise when she passed away from complications of diabetes, but how could she refuse to take care of herself when she has two daughters who needed her??? I am not diabetic, but given my mom's history and my age of 30, I do not want to leave my son motherless in 10 years from now. I want to be around for many years to see him graduate Kindergarten, Middle School, High School, maybe college, to someday get married, and maybe even to become a parent himself someday. 

From the time I was a young child, I watched and took on my mom's unhealthy eating habits; I obsessed over food and even had my own bouts of unhealthy habits such as taking laxatives to lose weight. The time for that is passed, though. One of the important things I want for J is to have a healthy relationship with food. I want for healthy eating to be second nature to my son, and for him to understand that we can eat fun treats in moderation but that food doesn't fill a void in your life; i.e. he should eat to live but not live to eat. To ensure that J does live a healthy lifestyle, I need to be a living example of a healthy person. I will not be a hypocritical parent and I don't want to be a closet binger anymore.

So far, I have lost 20 lbs since joining Weight Watchers and I intend to steadily keep losing the weight. I am well aware that I will have tough weeks when I eat like a human vaccuum cleaner (hello, been there done that), but I will not let that stop me be from being the healthy mother my son deserves.

The Things That Parenthood Has Taught Me

For 21 months, I have been a mother (30 months if you count pregnancy), and I have learned more lessons from my son and from motherhood than I ever learned in all the time that I have spent in school and/or working. I thought I would share my lessons and if any parents have anything else that they would like to add, please comment below.

• From the moment you have a swollen pregnant belly, everyone has an opinion and unsolicited advice, and lets you know it. 
• In regards to that advice, you as a parent knows your child better than anyone else and it is easiest to say, "I'll take that into consideration" than to present your side of things.
• There are many hot topics in the parenting community and the easiest thing to do is keep your head down and mouth shut when any of those topics are discussed unless you want to enter a world war amongst parents. Some of those topics include:
• Vaccinating vs non-vaccinating
• Breastfeeding vs formula feeding
• Circumcision of boys
• CIO vs Co-sleeping
• Every parent thinks they know it all and judges you, and at some point you'll be guilty of doing the same thing in regard to another parent.
• EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT.
• This is the most important because when I was pregnant, I expected that my baby would be easy and sleep all day like my nephew did which he did not. I expected him to be crazy and never stop moving like other little boys and nope, he doesn't do that either. HE IS WONDERFUL JUST THE WAY HE IS, AND YOUR KIDS ARE WONDERFUL JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.
• No matter how great or terrible an eater your child is as a baby, it all changes as he or she gets older. Kids go through eating phases. Nothing you can do can prevent pickiness but you can keep serving lots of types of foods, and eventually your child will go through a new phase.
• You don't need to have terrible two's...they can be terrific. No really. 
• A lot of patience, understanding, and redirection with a toddler goes a long way in preventing and diffusing hairy situations.
• After all the "mistakes" I worry I made from the time my son was a newborn, I think he's an awesome kid, so maybe they weren't mistakes after all. 
• Your pediatrician is a great resource for making sure your child is healthy, but never doubt your mom gut. 
• Your child will grow up in the blink of an eye.
• My heart is capable of growing bigger every day.

Guess what J did...

He peed in the potty! Since I had last blogged, J was getting so into the potty books and dvd's, but seemed to lose interest in using the potty because each time I asked, he said no. Still, I changed all poop diapers in the bathroom and sang a song right before flushing poopy down the toilet. Then today seems to mark a new chapter in J's potty adventure. After an impromptu bath from a messy lunch, J's anatomy instantly started growing as if he had to urinate to which J instantly said, "Oh no!" I looked J in the eyes and asked, "Do you want to peepee in the potty?" and to me surprise, he smiles and answered, "Des" (yes). Not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, I put J onto the potty then proceeded to sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" and put lotion on J as he did the motions to the song. 2 round of itsy bitsy spider = a little bit of pee in the potty. Adorably, J kept staring down at him self with surprised "ohhhh" sounds. Afterwards, I gave J a great big hug, told him I am so proud of him for making pee pee in the potty, called dh on speakerphone to tell him what J did, then told J that when he decides to make peepee and poop in the potty all day, he can have some big boy Thomas underwear. His little eyes lit up at that offer. So I can't wait to see where this takes us next! I'm wondering if I should do some naked butt time tomorrow to get things along, move J into training underwear and plastic pullover panties, or just stick more with potty prep and letting him ask for the potty whenever he is ready...

Let's Get Ready to Potty!

I've been so excited the past week because I've noticed that J is showing some potty readiness signs! I really hate diapers and have been hoping for an easy/early potty experience with him. As a mother of a boy who has been going back and forth between cloth diapers and disposables, I was not quite sure what to expect. Luckily, I not only have Heidi Murkoff's book What To Expect The Second Year and that is my toddler bible, but I also can tweet Heidi (@HeidiMurkoff) or post questions to her on facebook.com and she does her best to answer every tweet and post that all parents send her way. Further, I have a great support system with my May 2011 mamas on www.whattoexpect.com.

Here are the signs I have seen:

• Staying dry for anywhere between 2-4 hours at a time.
• Occasionally waking up from a nap with a dry diaper.
• Pulling at his diaper when it is wet.
• Predictable poop schedule.
• Going into poop stance - gripping train table, bending over slightly and visibly pushing out poop with a grunt.
• Willingly getting his diaper changed. 
• Very interested in the toilet.

Because my four year old nephew has ecopresis, I have seen what pushing too much when it comes to the potty can do, so I am trying my best to follow J's lead while getting him excited. We have had a Sesame Street toilet reducer and step stool that he saw and wanted about a month ago at Babies 'R Us. However, J's feet just dangle because the stool just is not tall enough for his feet to touch it while on the toilet.

J has been wanting to sit on the big potty every night when we brush his teeth before bed. Jolly (J's physical therapist) recommended a floor potty so I went purchased a Fisherprice Froggy Potty but sitting on it once resulted in instant tears. When I really think about it, I think that not only is J used to sitting on the bit toilet, but he also never liked his own toddler furniture and that potty seat doesn't seem very comfortable. On the upside, I got the froggy potty on clearance with an extra 20% off at Target, so it cost a little less than $10.

I did finally find a solution that J likes and I am comfortable with. We still use the Sesame Street reducer and I found a stepstool that hubby made in high school which is high enough for J's feet to reach from the potty.

J has been been coming into the bathroom with either dh or myself basically since he could walk since neither of us will ever leave him unattended even with a childproofed home. Now whenever he does, I just tell him things like "someday you can flush the potty too" and "when you're ready, you can pee on the potty like Mommy does" in an upbeat tone. Now we are working on the skill of pulling pants up and down, because right now J relies on me to do it. We started reading Everyone Poops and J likes it a lot (I find that book a little weird but I know it is a potty training staple. I periodically offer for J to sit on the potty, especially if he is in poop stance or has been dry awhile. If he says yes, I put him on there for as long as he wants to be there and if he says no, I leave it at that. Yesterday, J saw Thomas underwear at the store and was really wanted it; so I think I'm going to up the ante by buying it and telling him that when he used the potty he can wear it.

Today I took out two books from the library: Once Upon a Potty (boy), What To Expect When You Use The Potty and three DVD's (The Potty Movie for boys, No More Diapers, and Potty Power. When we do potty train, I will be using training underwear with the plastic waterproof Gerber pants, because IMHO pull-ups are still diapers.

I don't think J is quite ready to really be potty trained yet, but hopefully soon! How soon after potty ready signs started to show did you take the plunge with your little one?